Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
