I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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