I wanna bring you to show and tell
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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