Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
