Screwed.edu
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
