i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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