I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
