just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
