guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
That accounts for only three of the penises
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
