i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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