the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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