speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
