I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
