I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
