I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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