They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
