I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It's just like the Real World with babies
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
