nut hugger
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
