i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We talked him into tasing himself.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
