Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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