I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Houston, we have a blender
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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