so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
