I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
