Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
only you would photoshop your dick
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
