he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
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I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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