I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
