you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
