why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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