He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
