the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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