i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
