the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
