Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
