Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
