he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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