dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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