When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
