I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
