She said her name was "party"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
