What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
