Why does Corona taste like a burp?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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