I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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