On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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