we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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