and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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