So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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