Texts From Last Night

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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"

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  (601): i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?" http://tfl.nu/96xf
  Replies (133) Good night (1663) Bad night (4968)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."

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  (612): the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear." http://tfl.nu/uaxy
  Replies (19) Good night (9329) Bad night (969)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.

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  (252): This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero. http://tfl.nu/82jq
  Replies (16) Good night (7321) Bad night (1026)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...

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  (603): hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1... http://tfl.nu/ehgf
  Replies (21) Good night (8558) Bad night (1112)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!

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  (202): My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin! http://tfl.nu/ygvu
  Replies (18) Good night (5560) Bad night (1150)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.

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  (616): I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood. http://tfl.nu/i8nf
  Replies (9) Good night (4651) Bad night (976)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference

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  (304): she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference http://tfl.nu/95t7
  Replies (4) Good night (2198) Bad night (573)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.

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  (317): No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored. http://tfl.nu/emh2
  Replies (15) Good night (1638) Bad night (582)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?

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  (904): This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide? http://tfl.nu/lwqx
  Replies (13) Good night (503) Bad night (1408)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.

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  (620): I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify. http://tfl.nu/e3b2
  Replies (4) Good night (1225) Bad night (665)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.

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  (609): Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel. http://tfl.nu/x8kg
  Replies (24) Good night (989) Bad night (419)
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  (619): View more from California

  He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.

  (760): View more from California

  Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.

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  (619): He is just a personification of a vodka hangover. (760): Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes. http://tfl.nu/e8aw
  Replies (1) Good night (1046) Bad night (501)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?

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  (416): Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground? http://tfl.nu/za9i
  Replies (19) Good night (1201) Bad night (451)
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  (916): View more from California

  Are you setting a date to bone me?

  (530): View more from California

  Are you accepting?

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  (916): Are you setting a date to bone me? (530): Are you accepting? http://tfl.nu/jd32
  Replies (5) Good night (1394) Bad night (352)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!

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  (501): When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out! http://tfl.nu/jsom
  Replies (2) Good night (486) Bad night (285)

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