So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i will never coherently bang her
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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