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I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
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