FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.