U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
