I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.