Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes