Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
