she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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