theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
