I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
