If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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