you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
