I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
