Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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