I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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