K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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