so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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