So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
