but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Welp...herpes.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
