Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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