8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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