Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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